


Choices

by jo19844_twfic



Series: Season 1 missing scene fiction [5]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Episode: s01e05 Small Worlds, M/M, Missing Scene, janto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 02:48:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4812065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jo19844_twfic/pseuds/jo19844_twfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing scene fiction part 5</p><p>Set directly after small worlds, Jack contemplates whether or not he has made the right choices.  Ianto tries to help him realise that the best decisions are the hardest to make</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choices

Jack looked down at his desk and continued to sift through the mountain of paperwork that was taking it over. It was late and Jack couldn't see anything other than the area that the lamp gave light to; his eyes were starting to hurt from the strain and every word seemed to have two layers to it.

A light tapping on the door caused Jack to look up and gaze at the Welshman who stood there. 

“I thought everyone had gone home.” Jack looked up at him and then back down to his work. “I really hope you haven't come to offer me a lecture on humanity.”

“No.” 

“Good." Jack gave him a thankful smile before returning back to his work. "It's late, you should go home and get some sleep."

Ianto walked into the room and placed a folder on the desk in front of him. “I was just finishing off the finance update. Owen's been splashing out a lot recently on the Torchwood credit card; six hundred pounds in two weeks on witness interviews, I'm not so sure I believe him.” 

“Thanks for telling me, I'll talk to him tomorrow.” 

Ianto stood in front of Jack for a moment in silence; things had been very strange between them since he had returned from his suspension and although the knew something was wrong he couldn't ask. He wanted to walk around behind his chair and knead the stress from his shoulders, but they had barely touched since his return. When the others were around it was fine, but when they were alone it was hard. 

“Goodnight, sir." 

"Goodnight."

Ianto gave him a tight smile and backed away a little before turning around, walking towards the door.

"Ianto?” Jack called him back . “Do you have anything planned for tonight?” 

“And what exactly would I have planned? It's not as if I have anyone to go home to.” Ianto's voice came out harsher than he had wished it to and he closed his eyes tightly before shaking his head and reopening them, giving Jack an apologetic look. "I'm sorry

"Don't apologise." Jack stood and picked up the decanter of whiskey, pouring out two drinks. “Stay and have a drink with me.”

"It's late."

"Just one drink." He crossed the room and handed one to the younger man, then walked back and sat behind his desk again. "Ten minutes.” 

Ianto sat down and leaned back, looking down into the liquid his glass; he swirled it around a little for amusement, watching the slight whirlpool effect, then took a drink. The silence was uncomfortable and remained unbroken for a few moments until he heard the sound of the decanter stopper being removed and more whiskey being poured out. 

“Are you a man who keeps his promises Ianto?” Jack's gaze was curious, almost as if he was trying to figure him out for the first time. 

“I try to.” 

Jack leaned across the desk and took Ianto's empty glass, topping it up before sliding it back across to him. “When you came back to work, you promised me that you wouldn't lie to me again. Did you mean that?"

“Yes, sir.” 

“So if I asked you for a truthful opinion you would give it to me?” 

“Of course.”

"Good." The older man took a deep breath and leaned further across the table, looking directly at Ianto who avoided his gaze. “Did I do the right thing today?” 

“You're asking the wrong person. I wasn't there.” 

“You heard an account of it though, you must have an opinion," Jack said. "I need an opinion." 

Ianto licked his lips and downed the liquid in his glass before placing it down gently on the table. “What was your choice Jack? Really?” Ianto asked. “You let her go and know that you caused her mother an inconsolable amount of pain, or you let let the world suffer? That's not a choice, it's an ultimatum.” 

“Was it right?”

“Why are you asking me?” Ianto questioned lightly. "My opinion doesn't change anything." 

Jack refilled his glass for the third time and crossed his arms, leaning on the table as he looked over at the Welshman. “You're the only one who hasn't been treating me like a leper.” 

“I haven't had time; I've been too busy trying to decipher handwriting on expense claim forms for the last two days.” 

Jack smiled a little, a little of his old self returning. “Y'know, you might not lie but you're a master in the art of sidestepping the truth.” 

“The truth is that I don't know so I can't help you with your conscience and I'm hardly an authority on good choices at the moment.” He finished his drink and stood up. “But can I give you a little advice?"

"Sure."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, it'll eat you up."

"I'll keep that in mind." 

Ianto turned around and walked towards the exit, but stopped when he reached the door and leaned on the frame for a moment. He licked his bottom lip and then turned back into the room. “What do _you_ think?” 

"What?" The older man looked up a little startled.

"Would you say that you did the right thing?” 

"I would.”

“Then why bother asking me when you know the answer?” 

“I took a child away from its mother,” Jack said. “She's never going to see it as the right thing.” 

“When you do the right thing then someone is always going to get hurt.” Ianto looked at Jack sympathetically. “You did the right thing today, just like you always do.” 

“I don't recall you always agreeing with that.” 

Ianto said nothing for a moment, but poured himself a drink; he drank it in one and then put it down before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I loved Lisa and every day I come in early and go home late just so that I don't have to be on my own, but even I can see that you did the right thing the day you took her away from me.” 

“Is that your way of telling me that you don't hate me?”

“Hating is too easy; forgiving is much harder,” Ianto said. “I like a challenge.” 

Jack smiled a little. “You always said you weren't easy, I just didn't realise you were so complicated.” 

“Well my life is complicated." Ianto sighed. “It's more complicated now than I think it's ever been before. I have a boss who doesn't trust me, a heart that won't mend and three workmates that look at me like I have two heads.” 

“Your life isn't as complicated as you think.” Jack walked towards him and stopped a few feet away. “I _do_ trust you and the others _will_ get over it when the next big thing happens. As for your heart, you loved Lisa and you'll never really get over losing her.” 

“That would be fine if losing her was the only reason for it. My heart was broken in two directions by two different people; one who I'll never see again and one who I have to stare in the face every day.” 

"Ianto, I--"

"Don't reply to that," Ianto requested softly. 

Jack looked him in the eyes for a moment, then closed the gap a little and raised his hand to his cheek and caressed it. He looked at Ianto as he closed his eyes, his lips slightly parted; he was a breath away and Jack couldn't help but sink into the temptation to move a little closer. He missed the taste of his lips and the urge to remind himself was too strong. He could feel the warmth of his breath, a sweet blend of whiskey and coffee blending together and Jack was a whisper away from kissing him when he felt the Welshman step back to distance himself. 

“I should go now,” Ianto said suddenly. He moved away and turned around to break Jack's gaze. “I have a long day tomorrow. There's all those reports to finish and it looks like Myfanwy's netting could do with some patching up.” 

Jack caught his hand as he started to walk away. “This is no picnic for me either; it's not like I finished things between us then suddenly forgot how much you meant to me.” Jack moved closer to the Welshman, pressing himself against his back a little and letting his lips hover a breath away from his neck. 

“If I remember correctly when I asked you to tell me you cared about me you refused.” Ianto sounded hurt, and his voice cracked a little before he straightened his back and took a breath. “I told you that I cared and you gave me nothing back.” 

“I was angry." Jack caressed the younger man's Palm. "You know that I care about you."

"I don't know anything anymore." 

“You can't even look at me now. Do you know how much it hurts when you turn away?”

“I would guess about as much as when you look at me.” Ianto closed his eyes when he felt Jack pull him back a little, pressing his chest against his back. He could feel his breath in his neck, lips close enough to kiss if he turned around. "It's not that I can't look at you Jack, it's that it hurts when I do.”

"It's not like I can stop looking at you.” 

"You could stop looking at me as if nothing has changed between us.” 

“Maybe that's because in my heart it hasn't.” 

Ianto looked over his shoulder for a moment, almost meeting Jack's lips then moved swiftly towards the door. “I have to go.” 

The older man pursued him out into the main hub area and stood behind him as he collected his coat off the back of a chair and slipped it on. “Just because I finished things between us it doesn't mean that I don't care; I was angry and I felt betrayed, in my mind I knew that i couldn't touch you without thinking of what you had done and that you couldn't touch me without remembering what I had taken.”

"So what the hell am I meant to do?” Ianto asked, turning to face him. "Forget about you, ignore you, pretend it never happened?"

"What do you want to do?” 

"What I _want_ to do and what I _should_ do are two very different things." 

"Then what should you do?" 

Ianto walked towards him and slipped his hands over the older man's cheeks, framing his face. "I should go home, that's what I _should_ do."

"What do you want to do?" Jack asked him again.

"I want to stay," he said. "I want to remember what it's like to kiss you."

"You can do both." Jack mirrored him, framing Ianto's face with his hands and pressed their foreheads together. "You could kiss me then leave."

"We both know I wouldn't leave after that."

Jack kissed his lips softly, letting it linger for a moment. "Then stay."

“I have to go home," Ianto said without moving. 

"I don't want you to go."

"Neither do I." Ianto brushed his lips against Jack's softly and froze for a moment before he stepped back, letting his hands slip away from his face. “Goodnight Jack.”


End file.
